THE FIRST MAIDEN (A Short Story)

Posted: February 23, 2014 in PROSE

by Obiukwu Chima

The continuous sound of crayon on paper filled the aircraft, as the whole aisle was quiet except the hostess who was making a routine check to ensure the passengers comfort. She was drawn to the overhead light from seat 16. As she approached from the rear, she could see the colouring of what could possibly be a six year old hand’s work.
“What are you working on?” the hostess asked, trying to strike up a conversation with the young artist.
The painter looked up, the hostess bewildered look was like one who had seen the devil. The six year old wasn’t a six year old, the six year old was the hostess. The six year old had fierce blood shot eyes and blood streaming out of them like tears. A large gash on her cheek from which the teeth was visible, a cracked skull and a visible maggot infested brain. Her brain rang like a bell, ‘ding ding ding’.
“What possibly could this be?” She thought in her alarm.
The gory half-dead ‘self replica’ hostess raised the painting towards the alarmed, half frightened-to-death hostess.
“HE WANTS YOU” was written boldly and covered in blood.
The painting began speaking in low distorted whispers which grew louder intermittently and occasionally the words ‘HE WANTS YOU’ was audible. The hostess woke up with a scream and a jump. ‘Wheww’ heaving a sigh of relief that it had been but a dream. The preacher’s constant repetition of “he wants you, Jesus wants you.” those words that had given her the fright of her life turned out to be coming from the television. This was not only disturbing but frightening as well. Turning off the TV, she strolled half awake into the kitchen pondering what the dream could have meant. The tug on her feet made her jump yet again, it was her cat saying ‘good morning’ in its own way. It had something in its mouth. After what seemed to be an entire life time of struggle the cat gave up the object to go look for a better price. The object was a figurine given to her by an aunt during her last visit to the village. The figurine that had been passed down from generations to every first born girl in her family. A good luck figurine that had brought every kind of luck but good. Her cousin had it but she mysteriously went missing.
A loud bang brought her back to the present, she rushed to the direction of the noise. The living room was quiet but then she noticed her cat staring at the floor at a corner; she approached with caution calling the cat to move away. The sight she saw sent chills down her spine, a decayed cat and dozens of figurines similar to that which she held.
To exacerbate the situation, the cat turned around, its small tiny eyes glowed and it muttered in a deep bass voice “HE WANTS YOU.”
Bang! She blacked out and awakened to a world that will never again be the same.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Obiukwu Chima is a geologist who writes for fun, an ardent lover of art, an aspiring movie director. He is also a blogger at BryanChima . He currently lives in portharcourt, Nigeria.

Lyriversity — Liberty of Creativity

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Comments
  1. A.I.KoKO says:

    NICE. ONE BO$$… the suspense and vivid illustrations were irresistible, I was always eager to know what was next, never guessed right on any line! Keep it up BO$$!!

  2. obia akpama says:

    captivating ,me like ur suspence nd spice of horror

  3. Chima, I will confess I had streams of both shock and perplexion when I saw your name OBIUKWU CHIMA. Dude, I never knew you could be this craftful. More “oil and gas” to your no-longer-frictious hands. Your writeup struck with fears. I was so carried away that I thought I was dreaming. The make-believe hostess I pitied. The end was as tragic and suspence-laden.

    Lastly, I think the only thing not to have taken me by suspense here is the wanting of few punctuation marks such as: -, and “*”.

  4. Sheyzznote says:

    Awesome! Brilliant!! What a story. I love this, the suspense is killing, the writers skill was superb. Please, let’s see what happen next. I can’t wait to see how the how scenes went down “He wants you”.

  5. Ezeamalukwuo says:

    Have read this like 4 times now…Great work Chima…I wish we can have more really…you are really good, keep it up.

    The story is short but rich in all round effect…in imagery and suspense…I think this is the discovery of a great novelist in the making…please don’t stop writing, and we all wish to read more from you.

  6. LegendaryCJN says:

    Nice work…I guess this is just a tip of the iceberge. Can’t wait for the next installment.
    The weave was cool, but not quite convincing…this could however be blaamed on the fact that this is a dream which usually does not cohere since the scenes usually are disjointed.
    Look at the beginning and correct passengers to passengers’…

  7. timnwaobilo says:

    Impressive. Impressed.

    I await a follow-up, else this is a CARDINAL SIN.

    The intrigue is telling. I suppose the complete piece will contain the suspense ‘part’. The drama is at best, hopeful- too short for a balanced outlook. Repetition of intrigue pattern in ” The painter looked up… ding ding’.” and ” The sight she saw… which she held.” can be improved on. Otherwise, brilliant stuff, my man.

    More of this and you will be on your way…

  8. I guess the fantasy part stormed my mind’s-eye like a chronicling ice age muse. The suspense is brilliant and the imagery conscious provoking.

    I say a Gem at write!

  9. Barr jc kenneth says:

    Chima dat was very nice. U are too good keep it on.

  10. Anene Francis says:

    Chucky series part 6! Warning: do not read this late at night lol…
    A thrilling piece. Good work mr Chima.
    Suggestion in additin to the ones already given:
    * ” …teeth was visible” > “…teeth were visible…”
    Well done bro.

  11. ucheya Clinton ( chan) says:

    JCI has created a good writer /blogger through producing an active citizen in the name of Chima Obiukwu, when I was an intending jaycee, he asked me to market myself, I did but was not good enough… He corrected me and today, years after, I have been marketing myself and making a living… Thanks Chima, I proud of you.. Keep it up

  12. bryanchima says:

    Thanks guys, really appreciate the comments and corrections. Would do better.

  13. Likpo says:

    Dark, creepy, deep….AWESOME!!!

  14. Urchyz says:

    This is scary and nice…good work, Director.

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