COMMON GROUND: Turbo Charged

Posted: January 20, 2014 in Articles, Common Ground
Tags: , , ,

A Turbo Charged Computer

A Turbo Charged Computer

by Fiona Lovatt

Sometimes the internet connection is so slow that it would be quicker to unplug the desktop computer, pack it into the polystyrene and boxes it came in, tape the cartons closed, load them on to the back of a bicycle, hold them securely in place with lengths of rubber inner tube cut into strips, cycle off down the pot-holed roads and navigate through the go-slows choking with carbon monoxide, wait for the lights to change at the junction, jostle for a position at the front of the queue, lug the cartons up four flights of stairs behind the boys carrying water, knock on the door, enter, set up the system while your friend starts the generator, and read the e-mail together when the friend returns.

I have been offered “turbo” in a pop-up that advises me, from time-to-time, that if I have switched to a faster service then I should turn off the TURBO. I haven’t switched to the bicycle yet, but when I do, I will be sure to switch off the turbo.

When I managed to broadcast the fact that this “service provider” often “connects” me at less than 1 kilobyte per second, a friend remarked that it’s not so much a connection as an intention. So I have been intending to write another blog entry but my efforts are thwarted. My efforts are thwarted in a nation of thwarted efforts.

How will I ever find out what happened to the 45 million pounds a drug company paid as compensation to the 200 victims of a medical misadventure? How am I going to submit all the amazing project concept notes to the right authorities and eradicate poverty? How can I supply rural health workers with the necessary equipment to eliminate maternal deaths due to post-partum haemorrhage ? How is it possible to explore the possibilities of low cost housing built with local materials if this internet connection is going to run slower than the plumbing?

This is the yellow brick road and it is paved with good intentions. And yellow bricks that advise me that I better have a bundle or it could cost me more.
So I accept I will be doing cost-benefit analysis in my head and turn from the promise and the whiff of technology, to lift my own hand, put my own nose to the grindstone, grease my own elbow, shape up myself and do what needs to be done. Do it with what I have and do it now.

A rock solid intention is better than a promise of a connection. Now let me get the polystyrene and the boxes so I can load up the bicycle.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise without the written permission of the publishers.

Lyriversity — Liberty of Creativity

  1. timnwaobilo says:

    Hillarious and exciting
    An African snail would provide faster network than some of our network providers
    So me too, packing the boxes, bicycle ready…

  2. Anene Francis says:

    Hahaha… This hyperbole is extreme gbann. But definitely permitted to drive home the message better. Again you did well. (Still cracking my head over the second paragraph though)… I second mr Tim.
    Service providers deceiving consumers. Poor service provision limiting what one can do, with no alternative or better option than to figure out an alternative for yourself.
    Nice write up

  3. LegendaryCJN says:

    I don’t know if it’s rumour or not, but when MTN contacted the fastest running human being on earth to feature in one of their many multi-million ads, Hussein Bolt declined in these insult-laden but truthful words: “I’m Faster Than MTN, so I can’t be part of their adverts”. The above quoted reply is not exclusive to MTN alone, but to all other network providers.

    Nice write. I like.

  4. Dr. Echewodo says:

    somethings happen in this country and makes you wanna ask what century are we really living in down here.

    We seem so backdated and no one seem to be looking beyond their noses, probably the ones with an insight are quickly benighted with stupid bias and prejudice.

    This seem mild but one can sense the euphemism beneath… If only the ones with crack the nuts for can really chew.

  5. Point very well made with wit that shows how one lady refuses, and how we should refuse, to be at our wit’s end, despite the service providers’ seeming intention to frustrate.

  6. Exactly the type of jibes these annoying network providers deserve. A satire well structured. Well written, bro.

  7. Ezeamalukwuo says:

    Lady Fiona has a way of approaching a topic that is both soothing and strong…I like this write. The Nigerian Internet providers are but a joke. We are living in the 21st century but our internet connections are still in the first quarter of the 20 century…they still think that League of Nations is still important and that Africa is still a colony of European powers…it’s a pity yet what can a simple guy like me do, load up my bicycle…I am going on a trip.

    Nice work Fiona.

  8. Chimezie says:

    What really strikes me here is the writing. Very accomplished and assured.

  9. Fiona Lovatt says:

    Delighted to find so many readers now joining in the biking enterprise. You have delighted me with your reading. I feel obliged to continue good fellows.

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