Posted: January 16, 2014 in Poetry

by Uche Uwadinachi

Call on passerby, neighbours,
Families, to judge my faults

Purchase the most expensive
Laundry machine to bleach
My black buttocks
At the market square

Buy bundles of chewing-
Sticks to wash my bad English,
Get sandpaper for the stretch-marks
Stretching on my excess hips.

Oko yeye!
Olori bu!

Keep complaining
About the one meter gap
In my front teeth,
Nag yourself for the colliding k-leg
I pose with,
Hit your head on the wall!
Because there’s is nothing I can do
About my breasts which you said
Look like two burnt fried eggs,
And now, mtchewwwwwwwwwww!
A flat tummy is all you pester
You need to see, after seven

What have I not done
To satisfy your flipping tongue?

I always kneel down like a cripple
When serving meals to your tank-sized
Stomach and use my best wrapper
To wipe the table clean
So that your mucus-clothed eyes
Will not see dirt on it

Tirelessly, I caress your ugly
Poverty-stricken bushy balls for hours
For you to find your usual watery

I hawk roasted peanut daily
Trekking the entire streets
To earn our next day meal
While you sit at home
Like a stool cursed king

And now it is your daughter’s mate
That you are proudly displaying
As your reigning bride, calling me
An old dilapidated school.
Treating me like a shrine servant.

Aaaaaaaaaaah! Oleeeee!
Okay o, enjoy your saliva
Lick her stewed groin
But have it in mind o
That your house is not an oath
My dowry is now refundable

So don’t dare stop me, as I pack
To leave with the kids, or else
You and your Skelewu sugar girl
Will face World War 3 now now!

Uche won 1st prize ANA Poetry
Performance Festival (LASPOFEST) Prize 2006, 2nd Prize Poetry Winner of
Ken Saro-Wiwa Contest USA 2010, 2nd runner-up in the National Poetry
Slam Competition 2012, 3rd Prize Poetry Winner of FNL contest 2012, and 1st
prize poetry (March) for the Africa Street Writer, 2013.

Lyriversity — Liberty of Creativity

  1. Uche, you have a soundy beginning to this well composed poem. And of course, it was rosy althrough, but alas, the last paragraph dented it a little bit with it folk tale-like lines.
    In any case, the organisation and expressions(though predictable), stood out. So thumbs up. More grease to your palms (not the elbow this time…lolz!)

  2. Anene Francis says:

    Choi! When couples quarrel, even bedroom activities are announced from the balcony. That is what I get for eavesdropping. I will close my ears to such conversation next time, maybe wear earplugs. Lol.

    @ mr Lion, I don’t think so o. The story-like ending added some flavour.

    Advice to the aggrieved wife: I won’t stop you o but I’ll plead with you to reconsider the divorce option. You have tried in forbearance, please try more.

    Suggestions to the poem. Check these lines and correct where appropriate.
    * ” Call on passerby, neighbours” > … passersby (plural)
    * Rearrange these lines thus
    ” Buy bundles of chewing-sticks
    To wash my bad English” > to bring out the rhymes
    * ” To earn our next day meal” > …day’s meal sounds better

    Overall, this is a very beautiful poem. Keep it up.

  3. timnwaobilo says:

    Actually laughed.
    In-house politics and drama portrayed in an easy way.
    You read this and relax, you must.

    Was thinking Nollywood all along.

  4. LegendaryCJN says:

    This poem is reminiscent of Okot P’Bitek’s fashion of ‘Complaining and Hard to Please Husband’, and his ever ‘Nagging Wife’ who is always eager to prove her mettle.
    It’s only natural in most marriages nowadays where the man starts cheating on the woman with little girls of his daughter’s age.
    The scenario is well captured and presented. It’s only seasoned hands on the field of poetry can weave this kind of weave-work. Thanks for sharing @Lyriversity.

    I had to disagree with Ugochukwu in toto and agree with Anene in toto, especially on the correction parts.

    Uche, you are simply good. No wonder, you’ve won so many awards.
    I kiss your pen.

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